January 28, 2023

Things You Should Never say to a Stay at Home Mom

stay at home mom

Stay at home moms go through a world full of emotions the whole day. And then come these nasty remarks from family members or friends. Though they might not mean to offend them, but they definitely are offensive. I have heard way too many remarks ever since I had my son. And here are some common comments that I hear being a stay at home mom, and I really wish I didn’t.

1) Being a stay at home mom, what do you do all day?

It would have been so polite if you had rather asked “ How was your day ?”. I change diapers, cook, clean, tackle tantrums, feed , do laundry and the list gets too long. I end up taking a bath in the evening once my husband is back. So you can imagine how my days really are. I consider myself lucky when I have one hot meal in the whole day. This is what I do all day.

2) Don’t you feel like taking a real job?

Being a stay at home mom is more difficult that my full time job which paid me so well. How can you not call this real? Don’t you think taking care of someone 24 X 7, selflessly, is a job in itself. Plus I don’t get any sick days off.

3) It is great that you can afford staying at home.

I may not be contributing financially but I am making sure that I do not spend recklessly like I did before. I make sure that we save while ordering groceries or buy the things that we need (not like). So that my child learns that every penny saved is a penny earned. It is difficult to live in a house with only one income, but commenting on my family’s financial situation isn’t acceptable.

4) I would get so bored staying at home with my kid.

Bored? My day is never boring. And everyday throws a bigger challenge. There is poop all over the house while I am trying to potty train my kid. And while I am cleaning that, he might like playing with the mud in the plants. This is just one example of how exciting my days are.

5) You must be loving the “alone” time with you child.

I wont deny that I am not. I love the extra cuddles and kisses. But the alone time sometimes looks good, all the time? It gets to the nerves.

stay at home mom

6) Seems like you get a year long vacation?

A vacation where you have to work all day long isn’t a vacation. Staying at home with kids isn’t a vacation at all. And if someone thinks it is, they probably didn’t have children of their own.

7) You must be getting so much rest.

I have not slept for more than two hours at a stretch since I became a mom. And day naps have become a dream for me. Do you think I get enough rest?

8) What kind of an example will you set for your child?

That I work hard to keep him comfortable and healthy. And there is his dad who is doing the same. I think we both are setting great examples for him.

9) Won’t your degrees go waste?

On the contrary I am learning new things everyday. I have learnt how to be patient, how to give my 100 percent to my daily chores and the list goes on. I am getting a practical lesson of things I could have learnt in a job.

So if you’re really interested to know about the life of a stay at home mom, don’t ask any of the above questions. Rather, just ask “ how are you doing”.

PS : This post is truly personal and does not aim at judging the working moms. I have a lot of respect for the working moms. The mere reason to write this post was to address the various offensive questions I have dealt.

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31 thoughts on “Things You Should Never say to a Stay at Home Mom

  1. You said it! And how well at that. I could relate to all the things you have said – as I have been a working mom and a sahm at different times. I wish people would stop saying that! I guess we have to give them back some kick-ass answers so they stop saying this to anyone in future.

  2. Your post had me grinning all throughout. But I can imagine the frustration when people come up with stupid questions.
    Interestingly and irritatingly so, the very same questions are thrown at writers.
    (Every time I speak about giving up my medical practice and take up writing as a full time profession, I am bombarded with all these questions and more…)
    Not that I am exempted from these even now, people do ask…sigh!
    Be it a writer or a mother, we just got to learn the not-so-subtle art of ignoring.

  3. You have raised a few very pertinent questions and suggested some wonderful responses. People forget that housework is as important as working outside, the so called a real job. Raising a good keep, cooking good food, maintaining a great home is as important all these are as important as working outside. At the end of the day, stay at home or work outside is a choice and availability of opportunity. None is better or superior.

  4. Not only have I heard some of these, but to be honest, I used to ask myself some of them too. Like whether I am wasting my education and whether I am blessed to be able to ‘afford’ it. I really liked your balanced and practical answer to each point.

    1. Questioning ourselves is a part of self assessment But it does not give the right to anyone else to ask the same questions from us. More power to you ❤️

  5. I’m not a mom but can so relate to this. Being a freelancer, I work from home and this also made people to question my career choice, my societal skills yada yada. They will not let anybody living in peace it seems. Next time, somebody taunts you- come up with some badass retorts.

  6. When I was working and observed the SAHMs taking care of their kids and the household, round the clock, I really dreaded being in that situation. Not because I thought it was a lesser way of living life, but because I knew that I couldn’t ever be that selfless and dedicated to other people. But eventually I too have learnt my lessons and be a happy SAHM. Nice read.

  7. I am very much related to this post, from last few years I am starting online work, but on one condition from my hubby that 8 am not allow to avoid household works ,my responsibility and kids too , so I get up at 5 or 5.30 am to finish my work and slept late in the night to finish the work on same day, though it’s very difficult to do, but doing both work is what bring smile on my face, so I try to manage both work nicely

  8. All judgmental jabs meant only to offend but said with a deceivingly straight face. I take them with a pinch of salt now. As long as they aren’t ready to exchange places with me they can shut the hell up!

  9. Sometimes I feel pity of such people and their thought process. I don’t understand the need of such questions. I have also faced these questions and over the period of time I have stopped to bother about them.


  10. OMG!!! I could relate to at all as well as all the emotions.. People are so quick to judge be it a SAHM or a working mommy and having seen both the sides of it, now have learnt to filter out the really genuine comments from the typical judgy ones

  11. I can relate to this and have wrote a similar blog about what I have gone through being a stay at home. My husband is kind of one that criticizes me just because he has his own business as well and it is very hard work and demanding so some of his frustrations he brings home and says well I actually had to work today not sit on my butt and watch 2 kids and tv all day. Umm excuse me but that is far from what my day consists of especially when we have a total of 8 children together so there’s messes usually everywhere and one can only do so much when you have a newborn and a toddler. So I get you there he isn’t the only one that says things to me either, there’s some of my friends that do the same thing like I wish I could stay at home all day! Well good for you hope it works out as well!! Thanks for sharing! Really for all of us stay at home mamas we have to stay together and keep uplifting one another because we do have a hard, tiresome job all day no matter what others say!

  12. I totally agree with this and have wrote a similar article. I have struggled with this for only a few short months but I take most my criticism from my husband and friends. My husband owns his own business as well and it is very hard and demanding so some times he has a bad day and will come home and tell me that he wishes he could just stay at home all day and do nothing like I do, well excuse me that is far from what I do all day considering we have 8 children in this household and 2 of them that stay at home with me all day which is a newborn and a toddler so my days do get hectic. I know us stay at home moms need to stick together and keep uplifting each other because we do have days where things can get overwhelming and we may need someone there for us, I know I sure do from to time. Thanks for sharing this, really!! Truly inspiring that their is a lot of other women that go through what I do!

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